Tragedy, And Why You Should Seek It Out

I went out for a drink with a friend last night.  He’s a co-worker, and this is the first time we spent time together outside of work.  We had a couple drinks, ate some food, and exchanged stories.  He’s 5 or so years older than me, and has been through much more hardship in his life.  He spoke first, and told me about love, lose, children, family and all the ways things have gone terribly wrong.  When the tables turned, I thought about my life and realized how privileged I was.  White, male, born in the United States, both parents still alive and although they may be on the verge of separating now, this only came to light when I was well into my 20’s and well equipped to view the separation through a lense of understanding.  I had won the lottery.  The next day as I sit and drink my coffee, I think about the fact that things could very well change at any moment.

“Nothing happens to a wise man against his expectation.  Nor do all things turn out for him as he wished, but as he reckoned - and he reckoned that something could block his plans” - Seneca

One day, shit is going to hit the fan.  Tragedy will strike.  For me, for you, for everyone, and chances are we wouldn’t have planned for it.  It’s an inevitability.  Loved ones pass, people change their minds, your job may suddenly not be yours anymore, and occasionally the universe will conspire against you for no particular reason at all.  How do we prepare for such hardships?  Do we prepare?  I think most of the time the answer is no.  But we should, because these things are going to happen, and if you know that something is going to happen that is going to drastically affect your life, why wouldn’t you do everything in your power to minimize the damage?.  Who wants to be caught off guard by an extremely uncomfortable event?  Who wants to suddenly realize that they should have spent more time with that loved one, or put more money away.  Who wants to live with regret?  Especially when we have the power to do something about it.  Well, I'm here to say that it’s not too late.

“We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.”  - Archilochus

So how do we train for such events? How do we prepare?

Well, it’s very simple and something that we should all be fairly good at, because we’ve been doing it since we were children.  We pretend.  We visualize negative events happening.  We put ourselves there.  Your worst fear, it happened, how do you feel?  What do you do?  More importantly what do you wish you would have done differently? This may be the most useful question of them all, because your biggest fear hasn’t happened.  You can do these things.  So grab your cup of coffee, tea, or what have you, sit down, and think.  What if the worst happened, and what can I do now to make sure that if it does happen I will have prepared.  I will have made decisions that align with my values.  The majority of us only realize what we truly value in the face of these tragedies. This is when we see clearly what is important in our lives.  So let this exercise open your eyes.  Let’s not waste another minute on things that are unimportant, but instead realize these things now and live a better life because of it.  Put money away, invest.  Say I love you, spend time.  And for the love of god don’t stress.  Because stress takes away,  It takes away from things that are currently still here, and things that could actually be gone tomorrow.